Andrew's Confessional Thread

[Andrew Monaghan]

To continue from last night...

Earlier I thought Krystal made a lie to Talla, but in retrospect I think it was the truth. Apparently Estelle told Krystal last round she wanted to use the veto to save AJ and put up Ryan or Talla. That sounds believable because that is what Estelle wanted. And that's what Krystal told Talla when she said Estelle was targeting her. But I didn't realize Estelle had said that, so I told Talla I thought it was an outright lie. Oops! 

Tonight, Ryan won veto. I can't decide how I feel about it. He is a deserving player and I am happy to see him move on to final 6, but at the same time there is a lot of dirt that players could use on me to make him come after me in future rounds. I felt apprehensive when he won because it left a lot of possibilities of who could go up.

Later, Estelle started expressing to me that she would not necessarily be down for voting out anyone over Krystal, except Dixie. This was kind of frustrating, because I thought at the time that Talla might not want to take out Krystal. But in reality, I was just unaware of the situation. I thought the deal her/AJ/Talla/I made was a single round deal, but in fact a final 4 deal? I am not sure on the specifics of this deal, but I am a part of it. I am kind of confused to be honest.

Anyways, Estelle was named replacement nominee. So I am going to have to vote against Krystal. And I will probably be the deciding vote.  I just feel like such a shitty person. Like a Grade-A Royal Asshole!

I love both my girls and I don't want either of them to leave. Obviously my loyalty lies with Estelle, but Krystal will be crushed when I evict her. I didn't realize how close she felt to me because our communication has dropped off but we talked tonight and I felt like a complete slimeball knowing that I would evict her because I wasn't willing to own up to it. I really didn't want her to leave this round. She will seriously hate me and I can't blame her. I guess I should tell her but I feel so horrible and shitty about it and I can't bring myself to do it over AIM.

I will have to PM it. 

You know how I said this game has been a roller coaster? Well, this is one of the lows. I hate when the game gets personal.

[Andrew Monaghan]

Week 8

LMAO! I can't believe I have had a FOURTH HoH. This is getting ridiculous. I think I have tied the record for HoH wins in a season? And I could still potentially win 2 more times (final 4 and final 3). I don't want to bank having to win those rounds but I am obviously going to try my hardest. Also, I would be stupid to think that many people will want me in the finals.

Right now, I am trying to cater to the fact that this jury probably is going to hate me. If anyone wants a big advantage going into the finals, then it would be a wise decision to take me along. Sure, I have won a lot of competitions and played a strong social game with those still in the house... but there are already 2 jurors that kinda loathe me and one more on the way. Hopefully I can make up for my horrible jury management in my speeches, if I am lucky enough to make it that far.

So I have been trying to ignore the fact that I know who some of these people are behind the alias. I feel it kinda cheapens the game. But I can't really continue to ignore it in my confessionals because it is having an impact on the game. So here is what I know in terms of the players behind the characters.

Estelle = Zach from BB Starz (<333333)
Krystal = Zooey from BB Starz?
AJ = Roddy from BB Brawl (Grrrrrrr)
Suzette = Chloe from BB Starz
Ryan = Some guy named Cody who has apparently won a season or two of UTRV but I've never played in that series.
The rest of the players are new to me. 

Most of this is not a big deal, as I have only watched most of those players play. But what complicates things about knowing AJ is Roddy, is that he screwed me over pretty intensely the only time I have ever played with him. And in that season, I was also quite strong in competitions, and won a few and kept him safe. Only for him to get power for the first time and backdoor me. I try to leave these things in the past, but when my gut is already telling me not to trust him it is tricky to ignore.

Estelle has also told me that apparently AJ told her he didn't want me or Talla in the final 3. I don't blame him, I wouldn't want me in the finals either if I were him. But its not something I can ignore, because despite the fact that he hasn't been winning much so far, he could easily pull out a veto at final 4. And that could end my stay in this lovely house.

[Shir]

Hi

Just so you know, I said to make nominations "no earlier than tomorrow afternoon," so you didn't have to post it last night
It's not a big deal, so don't worry, but I just wanted u to know that I wasn't rushing you.

[Andrew Monaghan]

Oh, that makes sense. I figured you needed me to go quickly since I kinda held up the HoH process.

Either way, these nominations would have been the same, so it doesn't really matter I guess.

[Roddy]

Hi

Please don't nominate me.

[Andrew Monaghan]

Lol I have now nominated:

Suzette
Aneal
Talla
Greg
Ryan
Brigitte*
AJ
Rory
Liza
Dixie

*I guess AJ nominated Bigitte more than I did, but we were co-HoH's so I am counting it.
** I didn't nominate Krystal, but I was the one who got her nominated last round :X.

That means the only people I really haven't made a move against at some time in this game are Estelle and Alec. And Alec left round two so I don't really count him. LMAO.

[Andrew Monaghan]

I am going to be GUNNING for this veto. I can't tell you how hard I am worrying that it will be used. I really feel that if is used, my chances of winning the game go significantly down.

First of all, I really need AJ out this round. I don't think Dixie is vindictive so I don't think I have 100% pissed her off by nominating her - while I do think she will take this nomination into consideration in the long term, I can also explain to her that I was sure she would stay and that I was afraid that Ryan/Talla would evict each other over AJ.

If AJ or Dixie was to win veto, then they saves themselves and I have to nominate Ryan . I *really* don't want this to happen. I like him, and he is a strong player, so I want him thinking I am on his side. In a way I do want him to win, but then I am super nervous he would get all douchey and use it. Dixie wouldn't have used it if I didn't initially nominate her so it would be a slap in the face for giving him the decency of keeping him safe this round.

If he does win, then I have to decide between Talla and Estelle. This is like the only decision I don't want to have to make in this game. I will be sooooooo mad if he forces me to make it. I love them both and I know both would be so hurt if I put them up. My ultimate final 2 is with Estelle but Talla would be more likely to leave if I nominated her. PLZ PLZ PLZ BB GODS don't let this happen.

[Andrew Monaghan]

Welp. Almost positive I lost another veto.

I guess I can't complain... I have won 4 HoH competitions but I haven't brought home a veto yet. I hate password competitions. I always do bad at them. I just get flustered and stop thinking clearly. Then I start to second guess my spelling and it is just awful.

I like drawn out challenges where my attention to detail and my analytic mind are emphasized instead of thinking on the spot. Can't win them all.

[Andrew Monaghan]

I have very mixed feelings about Estelle winning this veto. On one hand, I am very happy for her on a personal level. She is my girl and I was happy to see her pull through <3. But I am worried about what she will do... I *really* don't want Estelle to use veto.

AJ is going to 100% expect her to use it, and I think she will feel she should on a moral level. But I really saved her ass last week, so I hope she remembers that. AJ is a vote against me on the block no matter who I am up against, and she knows that. I really really really hope she doesn't save AJ.

I don't want to strongarm Estelle, but I need her to understand how much I really don't want this to happen. Next round I am pretty sure I am going to be a huge target and I need the one certain vote against me out of this house.

[Andrew Monaghan]

That's not to imply that he is the only vote against me. But I think I would have no chance at bargaining with him, whereas Dixie and Ryan might be more open to deals.

[Andrew Monaghan]

So at first, I was kinda devastated that Estelle decided to use veto. I had conversations with AJ/Talla/Ryan where I was very upset with her, but luckily she wasn't online as I very possibly could have gone off on her. I was just mad and I could have said things I would have regretted so I am glad she didn't come online.

I am still not happy with the move. Estelle kinda fucked me for no reason. It makes me really question whether or not she is on my side. I mean this is the PM I sent to her.

Hey Hey!

Hope you are having an absolutely great day and feeling better from yesterday! <3 Are you going to be on AIM tonight? I am going to be kind of busy so I am worried that we will miss each other. I will be around for the next little while, but not later on.

Anyways, in case we do miss each other... I just wanted to say that I know that you and AJ have a strong relationship and that it would be tempting to use the veto on him. But if it is at all possible that you could not use it, I would *really* appreciate it. I just feel like he is the only player in the game that is firmly against either of us. And if veto does get used than that is one more player that I have to piss off this week. I know that AJ has been willing to listen to you throughout this game so far (that's why I was OK keeping him against Rory), but at this point I think he would eliminate me if he has the opportunity regardless of how much you tried to convince him against it.

I also kinda feel like if the house is going to be gunning for either of us next round, it would be me. I have won 4 HoH's so people won't want to let me compete for the final 4 HoH if they can prevent it. I might at least be able to convince Ryan/Dixie to reconsider but with AJ it's a done deal. All he would need is one more vote in support of my eviction to potentially make it happen.

I just think you and I are so close to making the final 2 in tact and I do not want this to get in the way! Talk to you soon (hopefully)!

And she responded with:

Sorry I have been moving out today and I'm now all settled into my dorm, but I would like to talk... I don't know what I'm doing with the veto yet. My biggest fear if I make it to the end with you is that people will lament me for being your bitch and doing everything you wanted of me... I feel like AJ leaving doesn't benefit me but I still want this to be our game. I don't know what to do

I mean, you are seriously going to fuck over my game just because you bizarrely think the jury will see you as my bitch? SERIOUSLY? I have kept you off the block every HoH I won. I made amends with Ryan because of you. I kept AJ over Rory on your behalf. I threw Krystal under the bus for you. You caving to my decision once makes you 'my bitch' when I fell in line with your decisions three times in a row. That's just dumb and selfish.

The jury already *hates* me, and thanks to her, one more of them will hate me too. She said it was a compromise, but I dont understand why she even needed to use it in the first place. 

Anyways, at first I felt bad about nominating Ryan. Then he turned in to this total creep, so it's like, thanks for providing validation for my decisions, Ryan. I understand strategically it looks like to the house that I am simply going to do what Estelle wants. And that is kind of the case. But keeping Ryan would probably have polarized Estelle from me, and despite her flakiness this round, I still want to maintain things with her (at least on a surface level, maybe more?). I have to try and maximize my potential allies and I have a way better shot than with Dixie/AJ. If it came down to her/Talla I would be a lot more likely to side with Talla than before because Talla would have been there for me and Estelle let me down huge. So disheartening to find that out.

It was just a shitty revelation to realize I had put that much trust into Estelle and to find out she wouldn't come through for me. I mean, if you REALLY felt that bad not using it... couldn't you at least throw it?

[Andrew Monaghan]

K so just to update, I am aware I was being a little whiny about Estelle there. Sorry Estelle. She really is a great ally, but I feel like she is setting up a final four that makes her entirely safe and puts me in a lot of jeopardy... and I am not sure I like that.

Also, I should mention that Ryan is incredibly convincing and him and I talked for a long time the night before I decided replacement nominee. He provided some very good arguments and really got me paranoid about my position in this game. (It didn't help that I thought Estelle would not use it, so I went to the bar earlier in the night >.<). Anyways, I know he thinks I was just pandering to his jury vote, but he actually got me considering to put up Talla. If she would have stayed through the vote, I might have considered it. But with Ryan/Estelle/Dixie voting I can't imagine she would have stayed. And Talla will be my ally through thick and thin - Ryan would drop me if necessary.

The other thing that Ryan didn't account for was my relationship with Estelle. I obviously couldn't tell him about it though because he tries to expose people when he feels he is in danger. Anyways, after he exploded on Estelle/Dixie, I would really have damaged my relationship with Estelle if I didn't nominate Ryan because it would appear like I made the decision out of spite. I know Estelle kind of screwed me with veto last round, but things could have gone a lot worse.

[Andrew Monaghan]

Week 9 

The Week Where Andrew First TRULY Feels Vulnerable

Going into this round, I do not feel like I am in a stellar position. Estelle kind of pulled a power play last week with veto and kicked me out of the driver seat and put herself in control. I can't really blame her, as I probably would have done so myself if I were in her position. But I don't like being in this position. I feel disposable.

I can't compete for HoH. And even if someone I am allied with wins HoH, there is a chance I could go home. I won't feel secure unless I am not a final nominee. People are fickle in Big Brother, and the only votes I feel very confident on are Talla and Estelle. I really really really hope Estelle isn't playing me... I don't think she is, but I have been burned before.

Still, Dixie/AJ is all it would take to evict me. If they either are HoH or somehow end up off the block, I am in big trouble. That is not a good thing. Up to this point, every week I wasn't HoH I felt fairly secure. But I think I will be a tempting target to evict if I am a final nominee. I might have a shot with Dixie's vote, but not with AJ. And if I was against AJ I would be really nervous Estelle might want to keep him for an easier win at the end.

Also, apparently Talla is trying to take the target off our back by making us look distant. And doing that involves throwing me under the bus to AJ :/. I can't even correct the info with him, because then he would know I was informed and . I mean, I understand the thinking on her part but it still sucks to know that even MORE people are going to be upset with you.

[Andrew Monaghan]

So Estelle won!!! I am 90% excited and 10% nervous. If she HAS been playing me, this is when she cuts me loose. But I kinda doubt that, and if she hasn't been then I am pretty much guaranteed final 4 unless she really fucks up with nominations AND veto goes the worst possible way.

[Andrew Monaghan]

So I am probably getting nominated as a pre-veto nominee. But I do think it's just for show. I see where Estelle is coming from... right now she has things set up for me to stay through the round with the help of Dixie. Apparently they made a deal last round and I think Dixie will hold true to it. Not nominating me next to Talla would raise eye-brows, and I can see why she wouldn't want to.

She is telling me that right now, if she won veto she would save me and replace me with AJ. If Talla won veto, she would save herself and she would vote to keep me (Estelle would too). If I won veto, I would save myself. And if AJ/Dixie won veto, they would not use it but Dixie/Estelle would blindside AJ by keeping me. I hate to put my fate into Dixie's hands, but original nominations are not that important this round and if Estelle doesn't nominate me, then things will look fishy to AJ/Dixie and they may try to pull something on her by evicting me behind her back.